Chapter 4 Formality

Chapter 4 Formality

Objectives

√ Understand formality

√ Use formal and academic vocabulary

√ Use more complex sentences

√ Minimize the use of first and second person pronouns

√ Avoid the use of rhetorical questions

Formality is the first and foremost requirement of academic writing.

The formal style is usually marked by an objective, complex and precise use

of language, in contrast with the informal and colloquial style. To be formal

in your writing, avoid using the words, phrases, or sentences that are

frequently used in daily conversations, and avoid using techniques that are

often used in speeches.In particular, you can write a formal essay by:

● using advanced, precise and academic vocabulary;

● using complex and compound-complex sentences;

● minimizing the use of first and second person pronouns;

● avoiding the use of rhetorical questions.

4.1　Using advanced, precise and

academic vocabulary

Word choice is vitally important for achieving formality in academic

writing. You should raise the awareness to use formal words instead of their

informal and colloquial equivalents. One simple way to distinguish formal

and informal words is to count the syllables

[1] a word has. Words with one

syllable are commonly used in daily speeches； they are often informal and

are usually adjectives and verbs. For example：

Adjectives: good, bad, big, hard, wrong…

Verbs: get, tell, try, show, keep…

In contrast, words with two or more syllables are more formal and

advanced than their onesyllable counterparts. Compare the words in the table

below. The words in the right column are the equivalents of the words in the

left column, but their meanings are more precise and their levels of formality

are higher. In academic writing, you should increase the proportion of using

such formal and advanced words which always have two or more syllables.

In addition, phrasal verbs (a verb + preposition / adverb), such as put

off, look into, come across,etc. are also considered informal. Typically, their

meaning is not obvious from the meanings of the individual words

themselves. Therefore, they must be understood as a whole. Phrasal verbs

are mainly used in spoken English and informal texts. In academic writing it

is preferable to use a formal alternative (i.e. one word verb), for example,

use postpone rather than put off. More examples are shown below.

look into → investigate

find out → discover

cut down → reduce

set up → establish / found

bring about → cause / produce

You may notice that these phrasal verbs all contain a one-syllable verb,

like look, find, cut or set. They are informal in nature, and thus need to be

avoided in academic writing. However, some phrasal verbs containing a

two-syllable verb, e.g. account for, carry out, consist of, dispense with, or

follow up, may be more formal.　From time to time, such phrasal verbs will

be found in an academic essay. Therefore, note that although you should

generally avoid the use of phrasal verbs in academic writing, their usage

cannot be totally ruled out.

In oral English, several nouns like stuff or thing are often used to

express vague and imprecise meanings. Like the following examples:

1. I’ve got loads of stuff to do today. (stuff = tasks)

1. The chairs were covered in some sort of plastic stuff. (stuff =

material)

1. She’s very fond of sweet things. (things = foods)

1. He’s just bought one of those exercise things. (things = equipment)

In these examples, stuff and thing are used to refer to any object,

feature, or event, etc. when you cannot, need not, or do not want to refer to it

more precisely. They are acceptable and normal in spoken language. But in

academic writing, you need to use precise and specific words or phrases to

replace such vague expressions. As illustrated in the bracket after each

example: in Example 1, stuffactually refers to tasks or jobs; in Example 2,

stuff refers to a kind of materials; in Example 3, things refer to foods; and in

Example 4, things refer to equipment.

In Examples 1-4， you may notice another informal use of language in

terms of vocabulary — contractions

[2]， such as I’ve， She’s， and He’s.

Contractions are commonly used in speech or written dialogue ， which

show an informal tone. In academic writing， you should use the complete

forms of words or phrases in order to establish a more serious tone， instead

of using their contractions， for instance：

I’ve → I have

She’s → She is

He’s → He is

won’t →　will not

wanna → want to

gonna → going to

kinda → kind of

A high-frequency academic word list has been developed by Averil

Coxhead at the Victoria University of Wellington, New Zealand. It is called

the Academic Word List (AWL), which contains 570-word families and is

divided into 10 sublists (see Appendix Ⅱ for all the word families in the

AWL). You should attempt to learn the various derivations (i.e. the verb,

noun, adjective and adverb forms) of the word families given. For example,

the first word family in Sublist 1 is “analysis” (the noun form). But you need

to know the other forms derived from this word family, including:

● the verb forms: analyse / analyze;

● the adjective forms: analytic / analytical;

● the adverb form: analytically;

● the other noun form: analyst.

The words selected for the AWL are those occur frequently in a range

of academic subjects,including the Arts (including history, psychology,

sociology, etc.), Commerce (including economics,marketing, management,

etc.),

Law

and

the

Sciences

(including

biology,

computer

science,mathematics, etc.). The AWL is useful to all second-language

learners who wish to study in an English-speaking university and college. If

you can make appropriate use of the vocabulary in the AWL when writing

your academic essays, it will largely enhance the formal and academic tone

of your writing.

Exercises

1. Underline the informal expressions in the following sentences and

replace them with more formal equivalents. The first example has been done

for you. In some sentences, there may be more than one informal expression.

Example: Investors were storing up a lot of cash in anticipation of

disasters.

a

lot

of

→

a

great

deal

of____________________________________________________________

______

1. He worked together with his son Michael on the English translation

of a book on food production.

___________________________________________________

1. After six months the dieter is behaving according to the goals and

she has achieved a big reduction in sugar intake.

___________________________________________________

1. Recycling this wasted stuff would have a positive effect on

environmental protection.

___________________________________________________

1. His mother did well in keeping the peace between these two very

different men.

___________________________________________________

1. It’s not polite to cut in when someone is speaking.

___________________________________________________

1. He should have looked into how the patient has handled previously.

___________________________________________________

1. It wasn’t easy for them to accept or put up with differences in each

other.

___________________________________________________

1. Modern houses have many labor-saving things such as washing

machines and dishwashers.

___________________________________________________

1. The words listed in the following box are from the word families in

the Academic Word List (AWL).Choose the most suitable one to complete

each sentence. Change the form where necessary.

constitute　economical　evidence　inconsistent

interpret　similar　specific　underestimate

1. We need to find a more ____________ way to manufacture our

products because our profit margin is too low.

1. The DNA of chimpanzees shows a remarkable ____________ to that

of humans.

1. The police freed a suspected murderer because they didn’t have

enough ____________ to charge him.

1. Canada’s aboriginal population ____________ a small but important

part of the country.

1. Gasoline has no ____________ freezing point; it freezes at any

temperature between -180 and-240 degrees Fahrenheit.

1. They need an accountant to ____________ their financial statements.

1. The ____________ in the quality of food at that restaurant has

discouraged many customers from continuing to eat there.

1. Experts warn that many parents continue to ____________ the risks

their children take when using the Internet.

4.2　Using complex and compound-

complex sentences

Besides word choice, the use of sentence types is also a crucial factor

that will influence the formality of your essay. In English grammar, there are

four types of sentences: simple, compound,complex, and compound-

complex. Good writing always requires a mixture of all four kinds of

sentences. However, writing with complex and compound-complex

sentences is generally considered more mature, advanced and academic. The

use of these two sentence types are effective in achieving the formal style.

An essay with only short, simple sentences is boring and not academic,as is

the writing that uses too many compound sentences. Therefore, compared

with general writing,the proportion of complex and compound-complex

sentences should be more than that of simple and compound sentences in

academic writing.

4.2.1　Simple and compound sentences

Before illustrating how to make complex and compound-complex

sentences, first you need to know a very important concept — clauses, which

are the building blocks of sentences. A clause is a group of words that

contains (at least) a subject and a verb. There are two kinds of

clauses:independent and dependent. An independent clause contains a

subject and a verb and expresses a complete thought. It can stand alone as a

sentence by itself. In other words, an independent clause forms a simple

sentence, which has one subject and one verb, and may (but not must)have a

complement. The subject tells who or what does something; the verb tells

the action; the complement completes the meaning of the verb or adds more

information to the sentence.

See the examples of simple sentences (also the independent clauses)

below.

Then， two or more independent clauses can be joined together to form

a compound sentence.There are three ways to join such clauses： （ⅰ） with

a coordinator

[3] （e.g. and， but， so， yet， for，（neither）…nor…，

（either）…or…）； （ⅱ） with a conjunctive adverb， also called an

adverbial conjunction （e.g. however， meanwhile， besides， therefore，

in addition）； （ⅲ） with a semicolon

[4].

See the examples of the compound sentence below.

Notice the punctuation when making a compound sentence. In the first

example, there is a comma (,) after the first independent clause, without any

punctuation after the coordinator but. In the second example, a semicolon (;)

follows the first independent clause, and a comma (,) follows the conjunctive

adverb therefore. In the third example, the semicolon (;) is used by itself,

without any connecting word — this method can be used only when the two

independent clauses have a very similar structure or when the relationship

between the two clauses is quite obvious.

4.2.2　Complex sentences

Since simple and compound sentences just involve one type of

clauses， their structure is not sophisticated. As we have mentioned， the

overuse of simple and compound sentences in an essay will undermine its

academic style. Therefore ， you should learn to make more complicated

sentences ，i.e. the complex and compound-complex sentences ， where

another type of clauses — dependent clauses — is required. A dependent

clause， also called a subordinate clause， begins with a subordinator

[5] such

as when， while， if， that， or who， followed by one subject and one

verb， and sometimes a complement. It does not express a complete thought

and cannot stand alone as a sentence by itself.

The followings are the examples of the dependent clause.

A complex sentence is a sentence that combines one independent clause

with at least one dependent clause. The independent (main) clause contains a

more important idea, while the less important idea is placed in the dependent

/ subordinate clause. In complex sentences, dependent clauses usually

function as adjectives, adverbs, or nouns. According to their functions,

dependent clauses can be further divided into three types: adjective clauses,

adverb clauses and noun clauses.

An adjective clause, also called a relative clause, begins with a relative

pronoun such as who,whom, which, whose, or that, or with a relative adverb

such as where or when. It modifies or describes a noun. An adverb clause

begins with an adverbial subordinator such as when, while,because,

although, if, so that, etc. It adds information that explains when, where, why,

how, how much or under what condition the action in the main clause takes

place. A noun clause begins with a wh-question word, that, whether, or

sometime if, and serves as a noun within the sentence. It can be the subject

or the object. Take a look at the following examples:

● with an adjective (relative) clause:

1. The old lady who needs constant attention is cared for by relatives.

1. Processed foods are the kind of foods which have been chemically

processed.

● with an adverb clause:

1. If an important passage is highlighted by multiple users, that

information will be stored on the cloud.

1. She seems to be forever on a diet, since she puts on weight easily.

● with a noun clause:

1. Whatever the boss decides to do will significantly influence the fate

of the company.

1. Experts believe that the coming drought will be extensive.

Examples 1 and 2 are complex sentences with adjective (relative)

clauses. In Example 1, the dependent clause who needs constant attention

begins with the relative pronoun who and functions as an adjective to modify

the old lady. The main / independent clause is the old lady is cared for by

relatives. In Example 2, the dependent clause which have been chemically

processed begins with the relative pronoun which and functions as an

adjective to modify foods. The independent clause is Processed foods are the

kind of foods.

Each of the two complex sentences contains an adverb clause in

Examples 3 and 4. In fact, the position of adverb clauses is flexible — they

can be at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of a sentence. In

Example 3, beginning with the subordinator if, the dependent clause If an

important passage is highlighted by multiple users comes at the beginning of

the sentence. It explains under what condition the action of “being stored on

the cloud” takes place. In Example 4, the adverb clause since she puts on

weight easily follows the main clause to clarify the reason why She is

forever on a diet.

Examples 5 and 6 are the complex sentences with noun clauses. In

Example 5, the subordinate clause, whatever the boss decides to do,

functions like a noun and serves as the subject of the sentence. This sentence

is considered a complex sentence because it has both an independent

clause(the entire sentence) and a dependent clause (whatever the boss

decides to do). In Example 6, the noun clause that the coming drought will

be extensive serves as the object of the whole sentence.

Notice that in the complex sentences with adverb clauses, the use of

different subordinating conjunctions can result in various relationships

between the main (independent) and subordinate(dependent) clause. There

are five main types of subordinating conjunctions as shown below, based on

the type of meaning they convey.

4.2.3　Compound-complex sentences

Compound-complex sentences, are the most complicated sentences, as

their name implies.A compound-complex sentence has at least two

independent clauses and at least one dependent clause. Therefore, many

combinations of clauses are possible, and their punctuation requires careful

attention. There are a few examples below.

In the first example, there are one dependent clause beginning with the

contrast conjunction even though and two independent clauses connected by

the coordinator and. A comma (,) is used to divide the dependent and

independent clause, while no punctuation is used between two independent

clauses. The second compound-complex sentence also contains two

independent clauses (connected by the conjunctive adverb however) and one

dependent clause (beginning with the time-related conjunction after). There

is no punctuation between the independent and dependent clause, but a

semicolon (;) is used to separate the two independent clauses with a comma

(,) after the conjunctive adverb, however.

Compound-complex sentences help you express longer and more

complicated thoughts by using more parts than other types of sentences.

They are essential and effective in explaining complex relationships and are

frequently used in analytical writing. This complicated sentence structure

adds to the formality of an essay. However, if handled poorly, compound-

complex sentences may cause confusion and grammatical errors. Writing

experts would suggest you minimize their use, restricting them to no more

than 10 percent of your work.

All in all, it is a wise choice to vary the sentence structures in your

essay by mixing the use of the four sentence types. But to some extent, the

complexity of language reflects its formality. Since complex and compound-

complex sentences are considered more academic and formal than simple

and compound sentences, you may use more of the former where possible in

your essay.

Exercises

1. Identify the dependent and independent clauses in the following

sentences. Draw a straight line “_____”under the dependent clause and draw

a wave line “　” under the independent clause.

1. Those who scored higher on cellphone dependency often used their

phones to make themselves feel better.

1. Since the blueprint presents the details of the engineer’s plans, it

must be interpreted accurately by the contractor.

1. Usually I take a walk every day while the sun sets, but it is raining

today.

1. About half of the world’s current population lives in urban areas, and

that number is expected to increase.

1. The report stated that even when men’s working hours were reduced,

they used the extra time for leisure activities rather than for housework or

childcare.

1. Conjunction serves as an important element to make compound,

complex or compound-complex sentences. Choose the best conjunction for

each of the following sentences.

1. Brainstorming can be done individually, ________ it seems to work

best with about five to seven participants. (and / but / so)

1. Students should declare a major by their junior year ________ they

have not made up their minds.(when / until / unless)

1. ________ the bad weather, they decided to have a picnic. (Because /

Despite / Whereas)

1. You can drive a car ________ you have a valid license. (provided

that / before / though)

1. Physical Education is allotted an entire period of the day, ________

it is essential to students,________it should be. (while / because / even

though, yet / so / or)

1. ________ housework and childcare are included, women work more

hours per week than men,________they earn less than men. (If / Since / Till,

but / and / for)

1. Some of the studies show positive results, ________ others do not.

(however / whereas / so)

1. Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, ________ they are

unwilling to improve themselves; ________ they remain bound (make no

progress). (and / or / but, therefore / unless /moreover)

1. Use what you have learned about the four types of sentences to

improve the following paragraph,which contains too many short, simple

sentences. Use different methods of combining the sentences and write a

new paragraph with a higher proportion of complex and compound-complex

sentences.

Understanding body language can lead to closer relationships.

Nonverbal communication constitutes up to 60% of meaning in interpersonal

communication. Notice the signals. People send out with their body

language. Be able to effectively read those cues. It is a very useful skill.With

a little extra attentiveness, one can learn to accurately read body language.

With enough practice it can become second nature.

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

4.3　Minimizing the use of first and

second person pronouns

A personal pronoun refers to a particular person, group or thing.

Personal pronouns can be classified into three types:

● first person pronouns: I, we, me, us, my, our …

● second person pronouns: you, your

● third person pronouns: he, she, it, they, his, him, her, its, their …

4.3.1　First person pronouns

With first person pronouns, the writer is referring to himself / herself

directly (e.g. I did something, my reason is …). But in essay writing, you

will not be asked to write personal narratives.Instead, you will be asked to

write arguments, often researched arguments, in which personal stories are

subordinate to researched evidence. However, if you decide it would be

effective to include a personal story as well, then first person pronouns are

appropriate in that section only.

Also, in academic writing, it is important to avoid personal bias and

subjectivity. If you constantly use expressions like in my opinion, I strongly

believe, as far as I am concerned, it would leave readers an impression that

the essay is based on your own ideas or opinions rather than facts and

evidence. In addition, since the whole essay is a development of your

opinion, it is unnecessary to clarify that a specific point is your idea. If the

viewpoint in your essay is not your idea, but from the works of others, you

need to cite it by adopting the citing and referencing conventions (See more

in Chapter 8).

On the other hand, the first-person plural we may be more tolerable in

academic essays, because we can refer to the reader and the author, or people

in general. Such usage of we is called the“inclusive we”, which may draw

the readers of the essay closer to the author, and make the essay sound less

subjective. Consider the following example, in which the first person plurals

our and we are used to refer to people in general.

Technology is used to make our life better, but we should not over-rely

on it.

However, sometimes the use of we can be problematic, as in the

following example:

As we all know, raising the retirement age is not an effective

countermeasure to solve the labor shortage.

In this example, the writer uses the expression as we all know to

introduce his / her personal view, rather than a fact that is generally known

or acknowledged by most people. So if the reader does not know or agree

with this statement, it would be quite awkward. We can improve the

sentence by using other impersonal alternatives, such as:

As suggested above, raising the retirement age is not an effective

countermeasure to solve the labor shortage.

It is admitted that raising the retirement age is not an effective

countermeasure to solve the labor shortage.

There are more examples below to show how to avoid the usage of first

person pronouns that would make your essay informal and subjective. The

first and simplest way is not to include the expressions like I think, I believe,

or in my opinion in your essay when you are stating your arguments. You

can directly delete such phrases, and change the following clause where

necessary, as illustrated in Example 1 where the original sentence is quite

informal. In Example 2, there are two improved versions: one is to delete in

my opinion, or I think that; another is to replace these phrases by using the

evidence presented above indicates that. The second version clearly shows

that you are concerned about facts and evidence rather than being influenced

by personal feelings or biases.

Original example 1: I cannot believe how much tuition has increased.

Improved version: Tuition has drastically increased.

Original example 2:　In my opinion, / I think that the most effective

way to improve indoor air quality should be to eliminate individual sources

of air pollution or to reduce their emissions.

Improved version 1:　The most effective way to improve indoor air

quality should be to eliminate individual sources of air pollution or to reduce

their emissions.

Improved version 2:　The evidence presented above indicates that the

most effective way to improve indoor air quality should be to eliminate

individual sources of air pollution or to reduce their emissions.

Secondly, when you are providing evidence to support your arguments,

do not involve your personal experience like I found, as I was reading …, I

noticed that …. Instead, use alternatives that are more objective, such as the

passive voice with a formal subject it (It is / was found that …), or

expressions like according to…, as illustrated in Example 3. In Example 4,

the original sentence using the first person shows the writer’s experience in a

subjective and individual perspective, but the writer’s purpose is to describe

a phenomenon that is in fact objective or independent of that perspective.

Therefore, using the noun this study as the doer of the action of revealing

and avoiding the first person here creates the desired impression of an

observed phenomenon that could be reproduced, and creates a stronger,

clearer statement.

Original example 3:　I / We found that with raising the retirement age

per year, the number of the pension reservation will increase 4 billion yuan

while the cost will reduce 16 billion yuan.

Improved version:　According to a recent survey, / It was found that

with raising the retirement age per year, the number of the pension

reservation will increase 4 billion yuan while the cost will reduce 16 billion

yuan.

Original example 4:　As I was reading this study of medieval village

life, I noticed that social class tended to be clearly defined.

Improved version: 　This study of medieval village life reveals that

social class tended to be clearly defined.

Another similar example (as shown below) takes place in the

introduction section, where you may need to tell your readers the

organization or the purpose of your writing. Instead of using the first person,

you can use the nouns such as this essay, this article, this thesis, etc., which

stand for the author.

Original example 5: 　I / We will provide evidence of the harm of

technology to our interpersonal relationship.

Improved version:　This essay / article aims to demonstrate the harm

of technology to our interpersonal relationship.

However, there is no strict rule about the total exclusion of first person

pronouns in your essay.Some disciplines or instructors may allow or

encourage you to use the first person. In some style guides, the use of the

first person is also allowed. For example, in the American Psychological

Association (APA

[6]) Publication Manual (6th edition), it is recommended

that authors use the first person to avoid ambiguity when writing research

papers — authors can use the first person while describing actions (e.g.

conducting experiments or surveys) that are actually performed by the

author(s) of the paper.

4.3.2　Second person pronouns

Compared with the first person, second person pronouns (you and your)

are generally unacceptable because they are too casual (informal) for

academic writing. Whereas it is effective and common for speakers to use

you and your to address the audience; if a writer uses them, the writer seems

to be speaking directly to the person reading the essay. It is not appropriate

in the writing assignment scenario at university (while it is fine with

textbooks, like what we are doing right now) — you are not writing an essay

directly to a teacher; rather, you are writing for a broader audience that

includes the teacher, other students, and any other readers who might be

interested in the topic. So an academic writer who uses the second person is

often mistaken about who his / her audience is.

Therefore, when you are writing your draft, avoid using any second

person, reminding yourself that such pronouns are informal for your essay

writing. If you find some carelessly-used second person pronouns when

revising or proofreading your draft, there are several effective ways for

revision.

● Use the impersonal pronoun one. One can be used in formal writing

to refer to people in general. It is gender-neutral. You may replace you / your

with one / one’s.

● Use nouns such as a person (singular form) / people (plural form) and

then use the third person he / she or they for the following reference.

● Change the sentence structure. Do not use the second person as the

subject / actor， but use alternatives like gerunds

[7] or noun phrases which

are impersonal and objective.

Take a look at the following examples which show the possible ways to

avoid using the second person.

Original example 1: If you do not have your breakfast, you will eat

much more food at lunch.

Improved version 1: If people do not have breakfast, they will eat much

more food at lunch.

Improved version 2: Skipping the breakfast will result in (people’s)

over-eating at lunch.

Original example 2:　Obesity can be measured by many methods, but

the simplest measurement is Body Mass Index (BMI) which is a useful tool

to determine if your weight is suitable for your sex, age and height.

Improved version:　Obesity can be measured by many methods, but

the simplest measurement is Body Mass Index (BMI) which is a useful tool

to determine if one’s weight is suitable for his / her sex, age and

height.Exercises

Rewrite the following sentences by using different ways to avoid the

use of first or second person pronouns.

1. My point of view is that smoking after overworking or after

exercising not only cannot relieve fatigue, but also will destroy our health.

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

1. You may set the air conditioner to a very low temperature in summer.

___________________________________________________

1. We found that the rice which is genetically engineered will contain

extra minerals and vitamins.

___________________________________________________

1. As long as you pay attention to it, the problem of obesity can be

solved and you can live more happily.

___________________________________________________

1. As a basketball lover, I wrote this article to discuss what injuries the

basketball game may bring us and how we can avoid them.

___________________________________________________

4.4　Avoiding the use of rhetorical

questions

A rhetorical question is not a genuine inquiry that is supposed to be

answered. It is often asked for effect, or to lay emphasis on some point being

discussed. For example, How could I be so stupid?Marriage is a wonderful

institution, but who would want to live in an institution? The answer to a

rhetorical question may be obvious or will be immediately provided by the

questioner. In English,rhetorical questions are commonly used in speech and

in informal writing (such as advertisements).They are effective in engaging

the audience, arousing their curiosity, and motivating them to try to answer

the questions that are posed. As a result, people pay closer attention to the

information relevant to the rhetorical questions.

However, rhetorical questions are not appropriate for academic writing,

first because of their informal nature: They are frequently used in oral

English, and you need to avoid using techniques that are often used in

speeches. Second, if you ask a rhetorical question in your essay, you are

asking your audience to think, and your audience is, in most cases, your

teacher. It may not be the student’s role to get the teacher to think about the

content. Third, using a rhetorical question to suggest a point is not as clear

and strong as using a statement. The reader may or may not know the

answer,so you are running the risk of being misunderstood. Finally, if you

ask a rhetorical question and then answer it immediately in order to attract

the reader’s attention, you are actually taking up more space than it would

take to simply state the point.

Consequently, you should avoid using any rhetorical questions in your

essay. Instead, you may change them into statements and still use them

effectively, as the following examples show.

Original example 1:　It does not seem to be a significant issue, but just

think it deeper: What does it mean that your information is known by

strangers?

Improved version:　It does not seem to be a significant issue, but the

consequences of a person’s information being known by strangers would be

serious.

Original example 2:　Do you ever wonder how those people get your

phone numbers and advertise the specific commodity so precisely? The

answer is probably the information leakage.

Improved version:　It is the information leakage that probably makes

those people obtain one’s phone numbers and advertise the specific

commodity precisely.

In these two examples, the rhetorical questions are used by a student to

develop his arguments in an essay concerning Internet security. You may

notice that the combining use of rhetorical questions and second person

pronoun you or your renders the essay too informal. It seems that the author

is directly talking to the reader. Such usage could be highly effective in a

speech to engage the audience to think and follow the speaker’s thoughts.

But in academic writing, you must avoid using both rhetorical questions and

the second person pronouns. Therefore, we can revise the original examples

to make them formal and impersonal. In the first example, the meaning of

what does it mean is not clear and different readers may have different

answers. So the improved version expresses the author’s point more clearly

in a declarative statement: the consequences ... would be serious. In the

second example, the author immediately answers the question after posing it.

It is not only an informal usage but also takes up more space than simply

stating the point; thus we can use a statement to integrate the question and

the answer in the improved version.

In fact, many students are inclined to use rhetorical questions in the

introduction section for the purpose of attracting the reader and keeping

them interested. It is out of good intention, but this way is inappropriate for

academic writing. In the example below, the author begins the essay by

asking the reader a rhetorical question. But she seems to have missed the

targeted audience — as we have mentioned, the main reader of your essay is

your teacher; then may be your classmates. How could your teacher be a

college student? When teachers are reading such a beginning, they would be

annoyed by the informal tone and the wrong targeted audience. Instead, the

improved version is more objective and convincing in introducing /

describing a universal phenomenon that will be discussed in the essay. It is

therefore a better substitution for the rhetorical question.

Original example 3:　As a college student, have you ever encountered

any psychological problem?

Improved version:　In recent years, many college students are reported

to have encountered psychological problems of varying degrees.

Exercises

Change the following rhetorical questions into statements. In several

questions, there may also be some other informal features that need to be

revised.

1. Industrial sites cause vast amounts of environmental pollution, so

why do we still use them?

___________________________________________________

1. Is having daydreams an awful matter? As a matter of fact,

daydreaming has more benefits than you thought.

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

1. Whoever has not experienced being so stressed at work that they

don’t feel like doing anything when coming home?

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

1. Though both the CBA and NBA are top-ranking basketball

associations, why is there such a wide gap between them? The leading

causes might be the differences of players’ physical attributes,schedule of

their spare time, and the number of basketball infrastructures.

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

【注释】

[1]syllable　n. a part of a word that contains a single vowel sound and that

is pronounced as a unit 音节

[2]contraction　n. a shortened form of a word or words （词的）缩略形式

[3]coordinator　n. （also called coordinating conjunction） a word such as

and， but， or so which joins clauses or sentences of equal importance 并列

连词

[4]semicolon　n. the punctuation mark （；） which is used in writing to

separate different parts of a sentence or list，showing a pause that is longer

than a comma but shorter than a full stop / period 分号

[5]subordinator　n. （also called subordinating conjunction） a word that

begins an independent clause， e.g. although，because or when 从属连

词；主从连词

[6]APA The APA style provides basic guidelines which are commonly used

to cite sources in psychology, education,and the social sciences (see more in

Chapter 8)

[7]gerund　n. a noun in the form of the present participle of a verb （that

is， ending in -ing）， for example traveling，reading， writing， etc. 动

名词