Chapter 5 Efficiency

Chapter 5 Efficiency

Objectives

√ Understand efficiency

√ Avoid repetition and wordiness

√ Use nominalization appropriately

√ Use a mix of active and passive voice

Besides being formal in tone, academic writing is also characterized by

the efficient use of language, also called the economy of words — you use

the fewest possible words to express maximum meaning. Some students tend

to use more words than necessary for fear of not writing enough words for

their essay. Hence, they produce repetition and wordiness, which must be

avoided in academic writing. Changing the sentence components or structure

can make your writing concise,and you can be an efficient writer by

adopting the following methods:

● avoiding repetition and wordiness;

● using nouns or noun phrases;

● using a mix of active and passive voice.

5.1　Avoiding repetition and

wordiness

5.1.1　Avoiding repetition

Repetition is the repeated use of words / phrases or the restating of the

same meaning more than once. It could be a commonly used literary device

in prose and poetry; however, it is inappropriate for academic writing, which

requires conciseness. An effective way to test whether or not some words,

phrases, or even sentences are redundant is to see if the meaning is kept the

same when the part in question is deleted. Careful proofreading would help

to eliminate repetition or redundancy in your essay. In English, there are

dozens of redundant expressions that people use constantly without realizing

it. The following table lists part of such expressions and explains why they

are repetitive.You should recognize them and avoid using them when

writing.

In the redundant expressions of the above table， one part of the phrase

actually implies the meaning of the other part ， resulting in repetitive

meanings. In many cases ， modifiers

[1] are used redundantly ， such as

absolutely in absolutely certain， actual in actual fact， in number in few in

number ， etc. Therefore ， when using modifiers ， you need to be

extremely careful and avoid unnecessary repetition. In addition ， some

words or phrases have similar meanings， such as carefully think about，

ponder on and reflect on. You should not put all of them in one sentence：

only choose one phrase （notice that ponder on or reflect on is more formal

and suitable for academic writing）.

5.1.2　Avoiding wordiness

Wordiness refers to the use of more words than required to express an

idea. Some words serve no purpose in the sentence — they are used just for

increasing the word count of an essay. For instance:

in order to / so as to — to

last but not least — last / finally

due to the fact that — because

in the recent time — recently

Because some expressions have been overused by people, they become

clichés which are ineffective and add to wordiness, like last but not least, so /

as far as I am concerned, as a coin has two sides. You can simplify them

(e.g. use last / finally instead of last but not least) or remove them (e.g. when

expressing your opinion in an essay, there is no need to use so / as far as I

am concerned). A specific example is shown below.

Original example 1:　As a coin has two sides, the Internet has both its

advantages and disadvantages.

Improved version: The Internet has both its advantages and

disadvantages.

In the original example ， the first clause serves as an analogy

[2] to

express the same meaning as the second clause ： Things have both

advantages and disadvantages. The idiom a coin has two sides has been used

too often and does not add any new idea to the sentence； thus it can be

omitted. The improved version keeps the same meaning as the original

sentence， while becoming more concise.

Wordiness may also result from some descriptive or modifying phrases.

An effective way to avoid such verbosity

[3] is to replace the phrase with one

word. As seen in the following example ， the modifying phrase

sympathizing with her concerns functions as an adverb to describe the action

of nodding. So for efficiency， you can reduce the phrase to a simple adverb

sympathetically following the verb nodded.

Original example 2:　Sympathizing with her concerns, he nodded in

response to her complaint.

Improved version: He nodded sympathetically in response to her

complaint.

We mentioned in Section 4.2 that writers can use complex or complex-

compound sentences to increase the formality of an essay. Dependent

clauses are essential for constituting complex sentences. But for the purpose

of conciseness, one type of the dependent clause, i.e. the adjective(relative)

clause following a noun, sometimes can be reduced to a phrase. For

example:

a balloon which is red　→ a red balloon

a movie that is interesting　→　an interesting movie

people who are experienced at traveling　→　experienced travelers

Another form of the reduction of relative clauses is to omit the relative

pronoun and the following be （in any form， e.g. is， was， are）. In the

following examples ， the phrases which is ， who are ， that is in the

brackets can be deleted to make the sentences more concise without

changing their meaning. You may notice that such phrases are usually

followed by the past participle

[4] or the present participle

[5] of a verb， e.g.

written， living， subjected， causing， which can function as adjectives

modifying the preceding nouns. Hence ， to avoid wordiness ， look for

relative pronouns in your essay and reduce relative clauses where possible.

It is a book (which is) written by Alexandre Dumas.

Students (who are) living on campus will receive a refund.

This method can deal with response of structure (which is) subjected to

random excitation.

A situation (that is) causing a major problem in the auto industry is the

popularity of Japanese cars.

Exercises

1. The phrases in the following left column are redundant. Write

down the improved versions in the right column.

1. Rewrite the following sentences to avoid wordiness.

1. People who are experienced at traveling would check in online 24

hours before their flight’s scheduled departure time.

___________________________________________________

1. Due to the fact that some competitors paid no attention abroad, the

rumors intensified.

___________________________________________________

1. Library books which are overdue will incur a fine.

___________________________________________________

1. Many employees will be forced to change jobs when the merger

takes place between the two companies.

___________________________________________________

1. The waterfront workers who were taking part in a demonstration

blocked the entrance to the dock.

___________________________________________________

5.2　Using nouns or noun phrases

Academic writing uses nouns more than verbs. In the Academic Word

List (AWL), among the 570 word families which appear with high frequency

in English-language academic texts, most of them are nouns instead of

verbs, adjectives or other word classes. Using nouns or noun phrases can

make the text concise by packing a great deal of information into a few

words. Compare the sentences in the following two pairs of examples:

[Pair 1]

1. Organisms reproduce. This is a major characteristic of life.

1. Reproduction is a major characteristic of life.

[Pair 2]

1. Crime was increasing rapidly and the police were becoming

concerned.

1. The rapid increase in crime was causing concern among the police.

In Pair 1, the two examples convey the same meaning, but Example 2 is

more concise because it combines the two simple sentences in Example 1 by

transforming the verb reproduce into its noun form reproduction. The

resulting sentence structure becomes compact. In Pair 2, the first sentence is

a compound sentence with two different subjects in the two independent

clauses — crime and the police. So the relationship between these two

clauses is not very clear. Example 4 condenses the first clause of Example 3

into a noun phrase by using increase as a noun and transforming the adverb

rapidly into the adjective form rapid to modify increase. Compared with

Example 3, Example 4 is grammatically simplified and becomes more

logical. In both pairs, the second sentence containing the noun or noun

phrase transformed from its correspondent verb form uses fewer words than

the first sentence, which is an efficient way of language use.

Using nouns or noun phrases can also convey an objective and

impersonal tone. When a verb is nominalized

[6]， it becomes a concept rather

than an action. As a result， the tone of the writing will sound more abstract

and also more formal. In the following examples， Example 5 mentions the

first person us who perform the action to formulate. Academic writing

should minimize the use of first or second person pronouns to maintain

objectivity， so by using the noun form of formulate， Example 6 avoids

mentioning the agent

[7] of the action， and formulation becomes a concept，

which makes the sentence more objective and formal.

[Pair 3]

1. This piece of information enables us to formulate precise solutions.

1. This piece of information enables the formulation of precise

solutions.

In the above examples， the process of transforming a verb or other

word classes into a noun or noun phrase is called nominalization ， an

integral feature of academic writing. There are generally three types of

nominalization. One requires the addition of a derivational suffix

[8] to create a

noun ，such as achieve→achievement ， connect→connection ，

nervous→nervousness， find→finding. Another type does not involve any

transformation — some verbs and adjectives can be used directly as nouns

without adding a derivational suffix， such as change， result， final， and

potential. The third type involves irregular transformation ， e.g. choose

→choice， believe→belief.

In many cases, noun phrases instead of an isolated noun, are frequently

used in academic writing, e.g. the rapid increase, distribution of wealth,

social mobility, differences between genders,etc. Such noun phrases allow

you to pack a lot of information in a few words. The strings of words(noun

phrases) usually represent ideas which cannot be broken down, thus making

the sentence structure denser and clearer.

When attempting to make your essay concise， you may look for verbs

or adjectives， try nominalization and then restructure the sentence. But in

this process， be wary of overusing the nouns or noun phrases. As shown

below ， there are two sentences and three verbs / verb phrases in the

original example ： invaded ， caused ， and break out. If you try to

nominalize all of them， the resulting Transformed version 1 may appear

concise： Two sentences are combined into one. But a close examination

reveals that the structure of the noun phrase which serves as the object

[9] is

too complicated — the head noun cause is heavily modified， with the pre-

modifiers the + immediate and the two post-modifiers linked by the

preposition of. A better solution is to keep the verb caused while

nominalizing the other two verbs ， as seen in Transformed version 2.

Hence， three more words are reduced compared to Transformed version 1.

Original example 1: 　Germany invaded Poland in 1939. This

immediately caused the Second World War to break out.

Transformed version 1:　Germany’s invasion of Poland in 1939 was

the immediate cause of the outbreak of the Second World War.

Transformed version 2: 　Germany’s invasion of Poland in 1939

immediately caused the outbreak of the Second World War.

A similar example is illustrated as follows. There are two sentences in

the original example which can be made more concise by nominalization.

Two possible words to be nominalized are the adjective relevant and the verb

illustrate. If we transform both of them, as shown in Transformed version 1,

the resulting sentence contains more words than the original example. Most

importantly,the object is heavily modified, which makes it difficult to

understand, although the original two sentences become one. Instead, if we

only nominalize the adjective relevant and keep the verb illustrate, then the

transformed sentence (Transformed version 2) is in a compact structure

which reads more clearly and concisely.

Original example 2: 　Intercultural theory is highly relevant to the

business world. Chapter 6 of that book illustrates this relationship.

Transformed version 1:　Chapter 6 of that book is an illustration of the

relevance of intercultural theory to the business world.

Transformed version 2: 　Chapter 6 of that book illustrates the

relevance of intercultural theory to the business world.

Generally speaking, using nouns or noun phrases is an efficient

language use which can make your sentences compact, e.g. squeezing the

information of two sentences into one sentence, or transforming a compound

sentence into a simple sentence. However, you need to ensure the right

balance between nominalization and clarity. Do not overuse the noun

phrases that are heavily modified, as shown in the above two examples. Also

avoid the structure of “meaningless verb +nominalization”, for instance, use

decide instead of make a decision, use investigate instead of conduct an

investigation, or use consider instead of take into consideration.

Exercises

1. The verbs or adjectives in the following left column are academic

words taken from the Academic Word List (AWL). Write down the

corresponding noun form of these words in the right column.

1. Nominalize the following sentences appropriately to make the

language more concise.

1. Since many people are lacking exercise, they often feel depressed

and exhausted.

___________________________________________________

1. We analyzed the data from the experiment, and it revealed that

patients have recovered sooner.

___________________________________________________

1. Europeans invaded Australia and they destroyed many sacred sites.

___________________________________________________

1. If they plan in a sensible way, they may have reduced the cost.

___________________________________________________

1. People tend to convey the information that one has desirable

characteristics. This is beneficial in a social environment.

___________________________________________________

5.3　Using a mix of active and

passive voice

Active voice refers to a sentence format in which the grammatical

subject of the verb is performing the action. It is usually a direct and

straightforward way to describe actions, emphasizing the doer of an action.

For example:

Vitamin A increases the risk of hair loss.

In this study, we present our design of recycled packaging products.

I found a strong correlation between the two sets of measurements.

While in passive voice, the subject of the sentence receives the action

of the verb. The action being performed or the recipient of the action is

emphasized, instead of the doer. The doer is placed at the end of a sentence

following the preposition by, or it may even be omitted in passive voice.You

can identify a passive voice by the form of be + past participle, for example:

The town was invaded by reporters.

100 votes are required to pass the bill.

An efficient teaching methodology is developed in this study.

Both active voice and passive voice can make your language efficient

and concise. In passive voice, the performer of the action may be unknown,

irrelevant or obvious to the reader, so it is often omitted. In fact, leaving out

the doer in passive voice is a kind of efficient language use: Less words are

needed.

The following examples demonstrate when the doer / performer of the

action can be omitted in passive voice. First, the doer of an action is possibly

not always known; then it can be left out. As in Example 1, since the action

took place too long ago (in the Upper Old Stone Age), it is unknown or

uncertain who made the cave paintings. Therefore, the performer is not

mentioned in this sentence.In Example 2, the action of hacking is performed

by the hackers who secretly find a way of looking at or changing

information from the computer. The hackers may have not been traced or

arrested by the police, and thus are unknown.

1. The cave paintings of Lascaux were made in the Upper Old Stone

Age.

1. The information was hacked from the computer.

Second, if the performer of an action is irrelevant (not important to or

connected with the situation), it can also be omitted in passive voice.　In

Example 3, the action of building a solar power plant is more important than

who will build it. Readers may not be interested in who is building or will

build the power plant, so the doer of the action is left out. Similarly, in

Example 4,the people using the powers are irrelevant to the information.

There is no need to distract the reader by clarifying the users of wind power

or solar power in the area. If the doer of action is mentioned here, the

sentence will become wordy.

1. An experimental solar power plant will be built in the Australian

desert.

1. More wind power is used than solar power in this area.

Third, in passive voice, if the doer of an action is obvious to the reader,

it can be omitted. In Example 5, it is obvious that it is the author who will be

doing the discussing, so the doer is left out here. The emphasis is thus laid

on what is discussed, i.e. the recipient of the action (another type of

processed foods). Many similar examples can be found in academic essays.

When the author performs the action of illustrating, discussing, reasoning,

etc., the reader can easily know that.Hence, there is no need to mention the

performer “I”, such as in Example 6: It is apparent that the author has

divided the essay into five parts. By omitting the doer, the action of dividing

into five parts is emphasized, and the sentence is impersonal and concise.

1. Another type of processed foods is discussed in a section later in this

chapter.

1. This essay is divided into five parts.

In recent years, active voice has been advocated by many writing

guides (such as APA style)and journal editors for its clarity and conciseness.

Comparing the components of two constructions,a complete passive voice

contains two more words than its corresponding active voice: the verb“be”

(is, are, am, was, were, been, etc.) and the preposition by. Compare the

examples below, both sentences convey the same information, but the active

voice uses less words than the passive voice.In this sense, active voice is a

more concise language structure in contrast to passive voice.

Active voice: Reporters invaded the town. (4 words)

Passive voice: The town was invaded by reporters. (6 words)

In addition, writing in active voice means the subject of the sentence

clearly performs the action that the verb expresses. Who is doing the action

is clear and unambiguous, and such clarity and precision are required in

academic writing. In the past, students were encouraged to use passive voice

to avoid using “I” when writing research papers, especially in the section of

“methods and data collection”. For instance:

A survey in the form of questionnaires is conducted. 100 students were

requested to fill in the questionnaires that are distributed online via an app.

These students were randomly chosen on campus.

All the sentences in this example are in passive voice and do not

mention the doer of the actions.It then becomes unclear who has / have

conducted the research. Maybe it is the author or it might be a group of

researchers including the author. Such ambiguity is at odds with the goal of

clearly and concisely describing the process of data collection and analysis.

Suppose it is the author who performed the actions mentioned, we can

transform this paragraph in active voice:

I conducted a survey in the form of questionnaires. I distributed the

questionnaires online via an app and I requested 100 students to fill in the

questionnaires. I randomly chose these students on campus.

In this transformed paragraph, although it is clear that the author, as the

researcher, performed all the actions, the personal pronoun I seems to be

repetitive and redundant. Therefore, to make this paragraph clear and

concise, and make the sentence structures varied, we can use a mix of active

and passive voice, as the following example illustrates. The first sentence

should clearly state who the researcher(s) is / are by using an active voice;

then it will be obvious to the reader who the actor(s) in the remaining

sentences is / are. Using the passive voice that omits the doer of the action is

appropriate in the following sentences.

I conducted a survey in the form of questionnaires. 100 students were

requested to fill in the questionnaires that are distributed online via an app.

These students were randomly chosen on campus.

Exercises

1. Change the active voice into the passive voice (avoid mentioning

the doer if necessary), or the passive voice into the active voice. Do you

notice that the transformed sentences become more concise than the original

sentences?

1. Last year’s sales figures are illustrated in Figure 2.

______________________________________________

1. Now people use social media more frequently than they did 10 years

ago.

______________________________________________

1. Genetic information is encoded by DNA.

______________________________________________

1. We will conduct a survey among 500 consumers about their using

experience.

______________________________________________

1. The possibility of merging has been examined for many years by

these two companies.

______________________________________________

1. Rewrite the following paragraph by using the appropriate voice to

achieve language efficiency and clarity.

We made observations during a 1-month period. We confirmed

interobserver reliability of 95%before the trial. 　We recorded all staff or

visitor touches that occurred to the infants under observation.We classified

touches by three additional variables: individual making hand contact, the

condition of the hands, and the level of contact. We defined cleaned hands as

use of either the alcohol-based product or handwashing with the cleansing

product immediately before the touch observed. We defined the levels of

contact as: Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3.

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

【注释】

[1]modifier n. a word， phrase， or clause which functions as an adjective

or an adverb to describe a word or make its meaning more specific 修饰语

[2]analogy n. a comparison of one thing with another thing that has similar

features 类比；比拟；比喻

[3]verbosity n. the use of more words than are needed 冗长，赘言

[4]past participle n. the form of a verb that ends in -ed， -en， etc. 过去分

词

[5]present participle n. the form of a verb that ends in -ing 现在分词

[6]nominalize v. to form a noun from a verb or an adjective， for example，

truth from true 使（动词或形容词）转变为名词；使名词化

[7]agent n. the person or thing that does an action （expressed as the subject

of an active verb， or in a by phrase with a passive verb） 施事者；行为主

体

[8]suffix n. a letter or group of letters， for example -ly or -ness， which is

added to the end of a word in order to form a different word， often of a

different word class 后缀

[9]object n. a noun， noun phrase or pronoun that refers to a person or thing

that is affected by the action of the verb， or that the action is done to or for

宾语